Fear

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fear

Holy cow, I am having a baby.  I think that the magnitude and reality of that statement is just now beginning to sink into my consciousness.  I read somewhere that self-obsession and self-centered fear are the things that most strongly affect one's spiritual condition.  This is true for me.  When I am the center of my attention and wrapped up in fear, it is seemingly impossible to have a healthy relationship with the moment.  And believe me, that has been my experience this past week.

Talk about a lot changing fast.  Right now I am on the back end of internally flipping out and am beginning to have faith and acceptance again.  Fear pulls those things right out of my life, every single time.

It is funny too because since having these feelings I understand the warnings presented to me by more experienced people (and you know that I did not want to hear them when they were presented).  The dynamics of my life are changing and they are going to continue to do so with or without my participation or my permission.  Right now, however, I am doing well and I have plenty of faith in the fact that if I continue to do the right things, the right things will happen (lord knows I already have some experience with doing the wrong things and in the same vein I have faith that those occurrences will happen again, unless all fear leaves my life and I become perfect [not happening]).

So the moral of this post is that this experience is serious, like really serious, and i am coming to terms with that reality.  The hope is that all things will be well.  And I know they will.