"T-Words"

Well I assume it is time to update my blog for my 11 devoted followers.  Before writing I would like to say that I love all 11 of you, dearly. 

So a lot has happened since I last wrote.  Most significantly, Karen and I met with our Midwife, Debbie Church.  The meeting was quite an experience.  Debbie lives in Calhoun, TN (just south of Athens) and has an office in the back of her house.  Let me just say that it is wild driving to have an appointment with someone that is going to help you birth a child.  Like, what are you suppose to expect, you know.  I don't have any idea what to expect anymore about much of anything.

So we get there and she is wrapping up an appointment with a very pregnant lady (weird).  I felt like I had walked in on moment that I should not be experiencing (it felt like birth on the black market, like all behind the scenes).  Like don't tell anyone or I will kill you, type shit.

Naturally Karen and I both have to pee so we take care of business and then our appointment starts.  Karen of course has her bargaining hat on...approaching the house Karen said, "Zach, if we don't like her then I am not signing anything today."  It is hard to know what is mine anymore.  And when I say mine, I mean what decisions, as a man, do I really get to comment on.  REALLY NOTHING.  Let it be known that I have been completely castrated and am at the mercy of pleasing women from now on.  For all you men without pregnant ladies out there, eat it up while you can. 

I know that this sentiment is only barely partially true, if even, but it feels that way.  I think I am part of some ancient rite of passage.  It is not an easy rite of passage either.  It is the most real rite of passage that I have ever experienced.  Holy embracing life batman, this shit is real.   

So, Debbie is a rather interesting women.  Right off the rip she said "what are you guys crazy, you're having a home birth."  We were like, um you tell us.  She is Christian so she talked a lot about repenting in the way that most everyone I know talks about amending.  I started feeling comfortable when she said twat and I said "wow t-word".  I support "t-words."

The conversation centered mostly around safety.  She gave us 4 nonnegotiable-s:

1. She uses anti-hemorrhaging drugs (She said she has the hippy herbal stuff but that if she makes the call to stop the bleeding with drugs than that is her call to make).  We were like "Okay"
2. She reserves all rights to the baby, if the baby needs help breathing.  Again we were like "Okay".
3. She wants to monitor the baby every 15 minutes with instruments (with straps if necessary).  This would still allow Karen to move around and choose any position she wants, except for number 4...
4. No standing on your head during labor (which was a meant to instill some humor).

Karen and I liked every one of these points and it instilled some confidence in us about her ability.  Debbie then went on to tell us that she delivered her first two babies, unassisted with just her husband and herself.  She then worked as a "Doula" in the seventies before there ever were doulas.  That experience taught her the benefits and shortfalls of hospital births.  She became a midwife in an effort to find the middle road between unassisted home births and hospital births.  We are now here thirty years later benefiting from her choice.

I have a small forehead (or a three-head) and Karen has a five-head so maybe our child will have a four-head.

Do I believe that we are crazy for having a home-birth.  No.  Do I believe that the best book about pregnancy on the market is "What to expect when Expecting?" NO.  Do I believe that we are swimming upstream?  Yes.  Do I believe that that is legitimate? NO.  More to come on the history of midwifery...